Do you feel exhausted from the inside out?
You look forward to the next vacation where you can have some R&R. But then after your vacation you feel like you need a vacation from your vacation. You are still feeling exhausted inside somehow. The vacation helped but you are still feeling like you need another one.
Maybe you need a different kind of vacation. One that doesn’t take your body away from all the crazy but one that takes your mind away from the crazy.
There will always be crazy, there is no running away from it. You can try and go on vacation after vacation but even when you’re on vacation there’s crazy. Just maybe with warmer weather.
So what is it that we are all searching for when we are feeling stressed and longing for our next vacation? We are longing for a vacation – but an internal one.
You know it is coming for you. You know the pounding in your chest, the tightness in your muscles, the feeling of fear and loss of control running through your veins. You know how it takes you over. Your mind starts running rapidly and your breathing has unsteadied. You go into panic mode.
Maybe you have a trigger that causes this little beast to come alive inside of you. Maybe your little beast is mildly active all of the time.
When your anxiety is active it is completely incapacitating to your life. You are filling your mind, body and soul with negative soul sucking energy. You are also projecting that energy out to others. People can sense your feelings and energy. If you are putting anxious, negative energy out into the world people around you will know.
You are driving yourself crazy.
It’s a fact.
Maybe you don’t know it yet. But it’s true.
You are in almost constant conflict. It’s so insane that it’s hilarious once you realize you’re doing it.
Have you walked past the same item in your home so many times that you don’t notice it anymore? You completely forget it’s there even though you glance at it every day. Your subconscious knows it’s there but your conscious mind has no idea.
This is how you are.
“I am lost. I can’t make a decision. I feel overwhelmed. My house is a mess. I think I am drowning. I am not happy in my relationship but I am not so unhappy that I want to leave. I am so confused and I feel anxious all the time.”
I listened to my client update me on her life. It was a warm day and we were sitting in my backyard.
“It sounds like you have lost the connection to your true self” I tell her.
“Yes. I completely agree with you. I have been living my whole life according to what I think I should be doing not what I actually want to be doing.”
“And what do you want to be doing?” I asked her.
“I want to travel. But I am afraid my relationship will suffer if I leave now.”
“Is travel what you truly want to do more than anything?”
“I didn’t realize it before. But talking this out and sitting here now I realize that it really is.”
“If you are true to yourself and follow your heart the rest of your life will work out accordingly. Be brave and take the risk if it’s what you want more than anything.”
Serious, serious, serious everywhere I look. Angry, grumpiness, stress, fear, frustration, anxiety, complaining, criticizing and whining. I am surrounded by it. Unless I am with a child. Children still know how to play and enjoy life. Adults somehow have forgotten.
When did you switch from your play brain to your worry, whiny, comparing, fearful, anxious brain?
Have you stopped being delighted by the world as it is because you’re so focused on making it what you want it to be?
Do you feel tension running through your veins? Tension running through your muscles?
At some point, we all stopped playing. So long ago you probably can’t remember.
“That’s great! When do you start?”
“Well, I am not going to take the incredible job offer. I couldn’t leave my current co-workers. They would never forgive me. I couldn’t do that to them.”
“Don’t you think your coworkers would want you to do what makes you happy?” I asked her
“No. They definitely would just want me to stay.”
“How do you know? Have you actually asked them? And if they did say they want you to stay, are you willing to sacrifice your happiness for theirs?”
I have this same conversation in many different forms with my clients. You want something but if it means making someone else unhappy you don’t do it. You are a people pleaser. You are afraid of people abandoning you, being made at you and criticizing you.
Most of my clients stare at me blankly when I ask them about their own happiness. They have learned a social lesson of: “You will be happy when you make others around you happy.” FALSE!!!!!
You know that voice in your head that chats on and on without stopping? This is your inner voice.
It acts like a computer crunching data. It is also the source of your inner critic. Notice how you are the one listening to the voice. You are not the one that’s talking. This voice is the cause of most of your pain, anxiety, stress, muscle tension and most negative feelings. The voice plays a never ending battle of trying to control reality (hint: it will always lose), earn the approval of others and stick to acceptable social norms.
Your voice can take over your entire life it is left unmanaged.
You will likely end up in a situation in life because you were afraid of something or you were trying to gain someone’s or society’s approval. We rarely end up in a job, relationship or home that is true to ourselves when we are not managing out voice.
So how do we start to manage our voice and find out if our life is one that is true to ourselves or just true to our voice?
Why do you let your mind control your life?
It is because you were never taught anything different. You were never taught how your mind works and how to manage it.
A few years ago I was asked to help plan a wedding. I was asked on the spot and I really liked the friend who asked me so I said “Yes, of course!” I left that lunch filled with anxiety. I knew I didn’t have the extra money to spend on planning a wedding or even traveling to where the wedding was. I didn’t even really want to go to the wedding. I didn’t have time to spend making decorations. So I asked myself “Why did I say yes?!???”
Does this scenario sound familiar to you? It is familiar to me because its only happened like a hundred times.
Being asked to do something, saying yes without thinking and then regretting my answer.
You are taught in school to work hard to get better grades. To take things seriously. Not just the things you want but anything any adult tells you that you need to take seriously. This is a difficult lesson to teach children. It teaches you that someone else’s true self is more important than following your own. Yes it is necessary to treat school as important to graduate high school and become a functioning member of society.
But kids are never taught how to place importance on what their heart says.
They are always taught to place importance on what their teachers, counselors and parents say. No one teaches children how to listen to their heart, how to get to know themselves or how to follow their dreams. Children are on some pre planned political journey that is required in order to get a job anywhere. I think all the things they are teaching in school are important but they are missing a HUGE one.